It is time for me to say goodbye...

this blog stopped feeling like home for a long time. 

and I tried Wordpress... but that was just not for me. I don't think I understand the draw to Wordpress but to each their own.

so I'm trying something different...

I've started a new blog on blogger. both this blog and my Wordpress blog will stay up because they are chapters of my life.

but if you want to keep up with me and follow my adventures in life, you'll need to follow my new blog. 

everglow

if you don't understand the reference... you'll find out >:) 

as for all of you who have followed me this long, thank you for your support. I hope you'll follow me to this next adventure. 

<3 <3 <3

 I wasn't sure if I would write this post.

coming back here feels... strange. 

I created a WordPress blog because that's professional and that's how authors work. 

Professional. 

But the user-friendliness of blogger is something I miss. Despite many claims that WordPress is easy and better, I still have my reservations on that. Quite honestly, I've struggled a lot to find a place to blog where I feel like I'm excited to blog. And maybe the spark has gone out. 

I've said this so many times and I know I sound like a broken record. 

I guess I don't want to give up on blogging entirely, but I have yet to feel like I have a space that's my own place to grow and just exist. this blog was me, but a different me from a couple years ago. a me that's no longer who I am. 

that girl had dreams and stardust and a strong support group. 

not that I've necessarily lost a support group, but some people moved on. some people grew and drifted. some people showed who they really were, proving I didn't know them much at all. 

I'm being vague for a reason, though, because each person contributed to who I am now. each person showed me something of the world I needed to know, good... and toxic. 

So this post is me saying that you probably won't see much from me here, and if you want, you can go to my WordPress blog. I've posted a few things there over the past couple of months. 

But I don't know if I'll stay there, either. 

I want to create a space on the internet that is my home, where I can just write what I want. Being an author can make you feel like you have to be professional and calculated 24/7. And that's just not who I am. I mean... I am professional and I can be calculated in what I do or say. But I'm also a human who just desires a small corner of the internet to call home and something that feels like it belongs to her. 

because if I'm honest, this blog was me writing for something or someone else for a long time. And I'm realizing I need something that is mine. Something that belongs to me. something that can feel like home no matter what changes in my life.

a safe place to be me. 

I'm not the girl who started this blog. I'm not the girl who started blogging a long time ago, either. I'm someone I'm not quite sure I've figured out yet. and I think there's a beauty in that. 

I guess all that to say... I'm not done, but I'm working on figuring it out. 

until then, here is the link to my WordPress blog, Into the Deep. 

I do love it, but it's not home, either. Maybe it will become home. Or maybe something else will. I'm still figuring it out. 

And I just want to say that it's okay to still be figuring out. 

keep on rising, friends. 🖤

truthfully... I haven't stuck to my four pillars. I could feel myself veering off track lately with what I set out to do in giving myself structure for this blog. 

but my issue lies in the fact that the four pillars I set for myself were not four pillars that suited me and who I am as a creative. I don't always have a writing update for every month. and honestly, my best advice for writing is to not follow advice to the letter, but to just... write. discover who you are in your writing by writing with emotions. 

the only posts that felt like suited me were the ones where I could write poetry or talk about music or give a little update on where I am in life. 

I gave myself pillars that would seem to fit what is expected of a writer and an author to talk about. but I don't have those qualities. 

I waste a lot of time trying to be an author. and what I mean by that isn't time spent writing or plotting or being on pinterest or spotify. I mean I waste time trying to be something I'm not. 

I'm a messy human being and I make so many posts about resetting this blog, getting my life on track, and the truth is this: my life is a mess.

my room surrounding me is a dumpster fire and it's probably contributing to the anxiety flooding my veins. 

I work a very early shift for my day job and honestly, my day job has been sucky lately. 

mental clarity? I don't know her. 

I'm trying to figure out my path in life and figure out what it is that I'm meant to do. I'm trying to make ends meet on sucky four hour shifts. I'm trying to save up for a small SUV so I can have my independence back. Even just to drive around my neighborhood for thirty minutes to get out of the house would be wonderful. 

(no offense to my family, I love them dearly.) 

emotionally I often feel unstable and unsure and unsteady and all the things no one wants to feel. 

I don't really write posts being this raw because I'm a private person. I don't like my personal life being out there. There's people who exist out there that I'd rather not have reading my life, but honestly... there isn't enough honesty in this world. 

in the world of filters and polished words and smiles and acting like everything is fine... 

don't get me wrong, I love filters on instagram. I love playing with them and having fun. 

But there comes a point where fake is fake and everyone thinks that these "influencers" have it perfect. I fall prey to thinking some of my favorite authors, Indie or Traditional, have it perfect. 

circling back to this blog, this corner of the internet that is mine... realistically I will post when I want. and there may be some structure to what I do. but winging it seems to be all I can do right now. I'm not going to act like everything is perfect in my life and have all these polished posts while I'm screaming on the inside. 

I'm not going to detail every bit of my person life either. 

I don't write this for pity or for people to try to cheer me up. I'm an INFP and if I'm going to be lost in emotions, only I can bring myself out of it again, haha. 

that aside, this isn't for attention, but I've felt the need to address this and honestly it felt embarrassing. so many times I've set out to reset this blog and make it something bigger than it was ever meant to be. this blog is going to be an online journal. you may get a writing update. you may get a life post. you may get a random music post. 

I'm not a perfect author. 

I am not good at faking perfection. 

I am a raw and real human. 

maybe that doesn't sell books but at this point I don't care. If I'm not genuine, I burn out so fast. and I'm tired of burning out of this blog. I want it to be a place I can come to for comfort. 

despite all the struggle, I've loved writing for you. You make me want to write. 

so this blog is going to be different from now on. 

this is going to be a letter, a journal, to you about everything I want to say. 

and if that's not your cup of tea, I don't judge. you don't have to come back. 

but I am going to be genuinely me from now on. 

and I am not perfect. I am a mess. 

so that's all I needed to say for today. I know I've flopped around so many times with this blog. and I'm annoying myself so much with it, while building up all this anxiety that my readers are judging me and most likely you don't even care what I do half the time. 

but yeah... so if you made it through that entire post good on you. proud of you for actually reading that whole thing. If you saw how this post kind of kept going on and and on so you scrolled to the bottom...

TL;DR: I am a human, I am a mess, I'm not perfect, and I'm done trying to pretend like I've got everything under control and start posting only when I feel like it and only what I what to post instead of following a system that I was trying to follow to be "cool" and "professional"

I'm just me. 

🖤

happy Wednesday!

I'm sure you read the title and thought one of two things:

1) GIVE ME THE UPDATES!!

2) What is UNITED WE FALL?

UNITED WE FALL is book two in the HOW WE RISE trilogy. It is a book very near to me, as I poured a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it. It was my emotional outlet, a place to put every emotion attacking me at the time. 

It's my favorite so far of the three books that I've completed. 

And I have some big news regarding this book. 

If you haven't read HOW WE RISE... what are you doing here? go read it! 🤣

While this post does not contain spoilers, if you ever hope to read this book, you'll want to read the first one. 

with that said, let me tell you the news because I've made you wait long enough through my rambling. 

UNITED WE FALL is with my editor and will begin the process of editing through the month of April!!

Publication is becoming a reality for this book and it will be out THIS YEAR!!

I have some ideas for a release date, late August, early September. I don't want to spill any detail about that yet, though, as I won't be confident in releasing the date until I know for sure I can make it happen. That being said, I plan to get UNITED WE FALL up on Netgalley!! 

Which means once it's up there, I will be putting HOW WE RISE on sale!! Ebook will be either $.99 or $1.99 depending on whatever settings I have. (KDP has rules, haha) and the paperback will also go on sale. This will be Amazon only, because changing the price through Ingram Spark for other retailers will be a bit more difficult. 

However, if you really want to support an Indie author and pay the regular price, by all means go ahead, haha. But, if you want the deals (totally get that, I want all the deals, too) Amazon will be the place to get a copy. 

But, again, the big news of today is that my precious book is with my editor and the publication date looms in the not so distant future. Everything else is a goal to attain and hopefully I will meet those goals. 

Also, if anyone is interested in participating in a blog tour/Instagram tour, let me know! I'll do sign ups when that whole thing gets closer to happening, but definitely comment below and I can start making a list! 

sometimes it's just the rain that calms my mind and eases me into peace. the sound of it hitting the pavement, the sight of it as it rolls down the windshield. the dim glow from the street light. 

it's the 4am mornings where I drag myself out of bed for another day at work, washing my face in an effort to wake up. 

it's feeling like breaking apart because there's too much to do and no energy to do it. sadness filling my veins. 

adulting is expensive and hard and no one ever really prepares you for it. you're thrown in before you're ready and told to make your way in this world, to get a job, to go to college, to have your life figured out by the time you're eighteen.

my brain doesn't work that way. I'm quite happy I chose the no school route and went straight to work, but even then I sometimes feel like I'm not ready to be this adult that I'm supposed to be. and I turn 22 this year, so I've been an adult for a while. 

nothing prepares you for getting into two car accidents so close together that you lose your ability to drive or even ride along without panicking. or trying to find a used car and the expense of insurance, gas, car payments, on a paycheck that barely is anything. 

life really has no preparation, it's like suddenly you're this adult who has to function and it's sink or swim and all I feel is drowning deeper and deeper. 

but I know things will get better eventually. I have to remind myself of that, and often times I don't remind myself and thus further in the spiral I go. 

you lose people along the way.

you lose faith along the way.

you lose strength along the way.

but then...

you find people who will stick around.

you find your faith again.

you find strength again in the deepest parts of yourself you didn't know existed.

and then you grow.

and you keep going. 

🖤

Your words are powerful. They mean something to people. We see bestselling authors write and write and write and their words mean things to people. 

And that's something that is beautiful and amazing. 

But lately, I've been struggling with writing. It's been pretty hard. And I had this realization as I was sitting in my room introverting that I am writing for the wrong things. 

My writing does not belong to anyone but me. Yet I'm writing for other people. I'm not writing for me. I put my purpose of writing in other people, other humans, and then when things go awry, it's hard to get the words out. 

Instead, I should be writing not just for me, but for the glory of God. 

God gave me this passion. And I know my writing may not be considered "Christian" and that's okay. I don't want it to be. 

Sometimes characters say bad words. Sometimes my characters do bad things. I write like that because the world is not all sunshine and happy vibes and the world is not all Christian. If the world was all following Jesus, then we'd be in a better place in society. 

So sometimes my writing is darker. But I always write with a theme of hope and light. 

And I'm realizing I cannot write for other people. Other people will see my work. Other people will either love it or they'll hate it. If I put my worth in my writing in what other people think, I am building a shaky foundation because the moment someone hates what I'm writing is the moment I will fall apart and give up because it will be meaningless if everyone doesn't like it. 

Sometimes we may think we're writing for a specific group of people or a specific person and we think it will be okay to put the worth in those words that way. 

You cannot write for anyone but yourself. It can be difficult. It's hard because that means you have to explore the deepest parts of you that you're trying to keep buried. It means you have to go into your mind and find meaning. 

It means you have to love what you're doing and find worth in yourself. 

And that's the thing... I struggle with feeling worthy in myself, in my abilities, in my writing. I need validation. 

And I don't want to be that way anymore. 

So if you struggle with writing sometimes, if it feels like a never ending drought... write for yourself. 

Write something you'd never show the world. You may surprise yourself. You may choose to show the world. 

Or, you can start a novel, the novel of your dreams, the one you think no one would want. Start it. Write it. Fall in love with it. And if you want to share about it, do it! just don't let anyone else's words define the worth you put in your own words. 

No matter how close a person is to you, they are still human and they will still fail at times just as you fail. 

So when you write, write for yourself. Edit for yourself. Make the book the one YOU needed when you were younger. 

If you're a Christian, write for the glory of God. That doesn't mean overly preachy themes. It means write with a purpose of hope and light and that good wins in the end. Give yourself something to be happy about. 

That's really all I have to say. I know this is a bit different from usual writing advice posts, but this is my type of advice. I want to share the things I've learned about writing in my time as a writer and author. 

I hope this helps you go forth and write all the words that matter to you.

The amount of WIPs I have started is quite a scandal but you won't be hearing about this one because I'm writing it for myself at this point in time. Even my critique partner/best friend/partner in crime isn't seeing everything because I want it to be for me. I'm writing it at my pace and making it what I want it to be. I'm not focused on genre or word count. 

Just me and the words and rediscovering who I am as a writer. 

I feel like I lost that knowledge along the way of publishing. You see these authors publish novel after novel and here I stand feeling kind of stranded. 

Book one didn't get the attention I hoped it would. And even when I published, I didn't feel like I was an author. I didn't feel like I had done anything with my writing. 

I didn't feel like I had sent my book to an editor, or formatted the book, or hired a cover designer. Everything didn't feel real, and not in a good way.

For a while, I stared at HOW WE RISE as it sat on my shelves, and I felt disconnected. My name was on the front, but was it really me? Was this really mine?

When a person I knew asked for signed copies, I didn't know how to react, how to behave, how to feel. When neighbors asked how the book was going, I didn't know how to say it wasn't really selling and I have no clue how to market myself because I don't like attention on me. 

How do you say any of these things? 

I still look at my book with some disconnect and don't feel like its truly my book. And I think maybe I'm not alone in this. 

Which leads me into updates about UNITED WE FALL. 

This book is taking a long time. It's written. If you've read HOW WE RISE, you know I made little time stamps of the date the characters were living in as page breaks or in the chapter headings... and I just need to go through and add that in. Then it can go to my editor. 

But I'm struggling. 

I'm struggling because part of me is feeling unmotivated to keep going with any of this. (Don't worry, for those of you who are waiting for the sequel, you are GOING TO GET a sequel. I would never leave this unfinished.)

I think once I publish the third book, ON WE ASCEND, I'll take a break. I won't stress over when I publish next. I'll just write. And whatever comes next is what comes next. Because right now the stress of publishing a trilogy is real. 

If I could offer a piece of advice to a young writer on the road to publishing, start with a standalone unless you've got perfectly written drafts completed for a series because otherwise, it is stressful.

I often feel like I'm letting people down. In two months, HOW WE RISE will be a year old, and the second book will need to be up for preorder soon after. 

I don't know if I'll make all my goals at this point. But I'm working hard and that's all I can do. 

thank you for listening to this long winded update about my books. I know I'll find my love of writing again. It just takes time. 

to anyone struggling with writing, it's okay to take breaks. You don't have to be perfect and write every day. Read some books. Get into something else for a bit. Find a show to binge watch and analyze. Then come back to your writing when you are ready. 

Reading slumps are so annoying, am I right?

I'm currently suffering from a reading slump at this very moment. I have two books sitting right here with me that I'm supposed to be reading, but neither are appealing to me at this moment in time. 

What two books am I stalling on, you might ask?

Well, currently I'm reading both Cast in Firelight by Dana Swift, who is a debut author. I am only in chapter nine at the time of writing this, (hopefully further when you read this. 😬) but for all you fantasy lovers out there, you might really enjoy this book.

I don't read or enjoy just one specific genre, so it's not that I don't like fantasy. I do, actually. But I'm just making such slow progress. 

The other book is Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. I am new to reading The Hunger Games and I've never seen the movies. My review of book one can be found here, but TL;DR I was not a fan of the book. I did, however, buy the set so I might as well read all of them, haha. I've only read a chapter of Catching Fire and it's not as bad as The Hunger Games so far, but it's definitely not what I'm in the mood to read. 

So how does one get out of a reading slump?

Try a new genre

Reread a comfort book

Take a break from reading

Conclusion

Let's Talk!

What's a book you've struggled with? 
And what is your comfort book?
Let me know in the comments!
~Stay Amazing~

hello, frens. I'm hopping on today to tell you about some changes that are going to be taking place around here and what to expect from :: words in her soul :: in the coming weeks. 

I used to run a different blog. It feels like a lifetime ago. There was a pen name and lots of posts all over the place and I honestly have moved that blog to private now, so I'm not going to share too much about it. 

But I was looking back on that blog. The energy from that blog was radiant and vibrant and I realized I missed that about myself. A writer who didn't know she'd be published, and just had a love of story. 

As I crept up closer to the concept of publishing, I was conflicted with options. Continue with that pen name? Create a new pen name? Then I read Abbie Emmons' 100 Days of Sunlight and I was inspired to use my real name. (Or part of it, anyway haha. That's right, you don't know my actual, actual name peeps.) 

I started a new blog, Chasing Dragonflies and jumped in with writing posts, then deleting posts, struggling to figure out how to rebrand and restart my blogging career on an entirely different home base.

And... it didn't feel like home anymore. 

Even this blog has yet to really feel like home. 

But my point is... I want to be a better blogger. I used to be a really good blogger. I drew people here with light and charisma and confidence. 

However... lately... I've been raw. I'm not entirely happy lately. I'm not a confident person in most cases. And even though we live in a culture telling us to be raw and open and vulnerable... no one really wants to read things that bring them down all the time. 

Truth is the beginning of 2020 was hard for me, unrelated entirely to Corona. I had friends backstab and betray me, including someone who is on this very blogosphere. So it's very hard sometimes to really just... see that person being mention online, on blogs or on Instagram. 

I wish them no ill will, but healing has not come fast from all of that. And having mutual friends has not helped matters either. It's probably caused me to be distant from some people, more than I actually intend to be. 

So blogging is sometimes very hard because of all of that. 

But, when I looked back at that old blog (which is private for my eyes only) I felt inspired to try again. To REALLY try again with getting this blog on track. And to do that, I've decided to implement a couple of new changes. 

 Step #1: Finding My Four Pillars Of Blogging Content

Step #2: Create A New Schedule

Step #3: Implementing The New Layout

BONUS: Subscribe By Email Is Now With Mailchimp

Conclusion... 

*pictures in collage from pinterest*

 *all pictures are from pinterest. all rights to their respective owners

and in the end

I'd do it all again

~ fob

this blog and blogs I've run before have given me some of the best and worst experiences. and to let go doesn't feel entirely right.

and we've done this before. I let go, then I come back full swing...

and so I won't say this the true ending. 

but I will say... this is the end of... something. 

I've found that blogger has not been a safe space for me anymore. and a lot of that has contributed to the fact that in my time here, I've made some friends, but I've lost some too. 

and that's truly just life. 

gain and loss. 

but this space has been hard to write in for a long time. especially since becoming in author. 

everything is chaos. 

I can't say THIS IS IT, I'M DONE, GOODBYE FOREVER...

because I don't think I'm truly done. I think right now, my mental health is demanding I step away from a lot of things. 

one thing I've stepped away from is social media. so if you're looking for me there, tagging me in things, messaging me, I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting. but I just haven't really had the urge to look back. usually I'm addicted to it. 

but lately there has been a LOT of stuff going on in my life, plus we have a whole freaking world out of balance and so many sides yelling opinions and ideas and just...

everything is so loud. 

"wear a mask"

"don't wear a mask"

"vaccines are good"

"vaccines are bad"

I'm not here to state my opinions on things or begin arguments.

I can only say that some things have been damaging to my mental health and that me wearing a mask any longer than 30 minutes has done some damaging things for my anxiety and depression. 

I can say that, but a lot of people won't HEAR me. I think you guys will. I think you understand. I respect everyone who wants to wear one, too. I just struggle. And no one wants to hear that these days. 

anyway... that being said

this is merely a goodbye for now sort of thing. 

I need to recharge. I'm sure I'll pop back in somewhere. 

and if you want to reach out, my email is ALWAYS open and I'm on it pretty often these days. (replying, however, I'm usually not great at but hey I can try to do better xD )

anyway... yeah.

I'm not looking for attention about what's going on. I just wanted to share that if I'm gone for a while, that's why. Even logging into blogger is a struggle sometimes. So I can't completely guarantee I'll keep up with every post, but I'll try to read some. 

Long winded story aside (goodness Brooke, they didn't ask for your life story)

I hope y'all have a wonderful new year. I hope you reach your goals. I hope you hold onto hope because that is all we have now. stay strong. you're all amazing. 

this isn't goodbye.

this is see you later. <3