The amount of WIPs I have started is quite a scandal but you won't be hearing about this one because I'm writing it for myself at this point in time. Even my critique partner/best friend/partner in crime isn't seeing everything because I want it to be for me. I'm writing it at my pace and making it what I want it to be. I'm not focused on genre or word count. 

Just me and the words and rediscovering who I am as a writer. 

I feel like I lost that knowledge along the way of publishing. You see these authors publish novel after novel and here I stand feeling kind of stranded. 

Book one didn't get the attention I hoped it would. And even when I published, I didn't feel like I was an author. I didn't feel like I had done anything with my writing. 

I didn't feel like I had sent my book to an editor, or formatted the book, or hired a cover designer. Everything didn't feel real, and not in a good way.

For a while, I stared at HOW WE RISE as it sat on my shelves, and I felt disconnected. My name was on the front, but was it really me? Was this really mine?

When a person I knew asked for signed copies, I didn't know how to react, how to behave, how to feel. When neighbors asked how the book was going, I didn't know how to say it wasn't really selling and I have no clue how to market myself because I don't like attention on me. 

How do you say any of these things? 

I still look at my book with some disconnect and don't feel like its truly my book. And I think maybe I'm not alone in this. 

Which leads me into updates about UNITED WE FALL. 

This book is taking a long time. It's written. If you've read HOW WE RISE, you know I made little time stamps of the date the characters were living in as page breaks or in the chapter headings... and I just need to go through and add that in. Then it can go to my editor. 

But I'm struggling. 

I'm struggling because part of me is feeling unmotivated to keep going with any of this. (Don't worry, for those of you who are waiting for the sequel, you are GOING TO GET a sequel. I would never leave this unfinished.)

I think once I publish the third book, ON WE ASCEND, I'll take a break. I won't stress over when I publish next. I'll just write. And whatever comes next is what comes next. Because right now the stress of publishing a trilogy is real. 

If I could offer a piece of advice to a young writer on the road to publishing, start with a standalone unless you've got perfectly written drafts completed for a series because otherwise, it is stressful.

I often feel like I'm letting people down. In two months, HOW WE RISE will be a year old, and the second book will need to be up for preorder soon after. 

I don't know if I'll make all my goals at this point. But I'm working hard and that's all I can do. 

thank you for listening to this long winded update about my books. I know I'll find my love of writing again. It just takes time. 

to anyone struggling with writing, it's okay to take breaks. You don't have to be perfect and write every day. Read some books. Get into something else for a bit. Find a show to binge watch and analyze. Then come back to your writing when you are ready.