words in her soul : September 2019

Book Haul//I Bought Five Books

by Brooke Riley - 7:00 AM

21 comments

Stop The Negativity// A Rant

by Brooke Riley - 8:54 AM

20 comments

Stay// A Short Story// Suicide Prevention Week

by Brooke Riley - 7:00 AM

Hello, friends.

This week is Suicide Prevention Week. I thought, seeing as the week is slowly drawing to a close, I should remind everyone what this week is about. Mental illness is a big thing happening around the world right now, but it isn't just a modern-day problem. Depression, anxiety, and other issues have been going on for as long as the fall of man.

I, myself, have dealt with depression and anxiety. While I cannot say I ever dealt with or struggled with suicide, it is still an issue very near to my heart, something I am passionate about. I want everyone to know there is more to them than the pain and that there is so much more life has to offer. Life is frustrating, I know. But please, read this story and think about all that could lie ahead. Know that I care about you. I love you. You are a person capable of amazing things. And if this story touches you in some way, please leave a comment or message me using the contact form. I would love to hear from you. I am here for you.

The house is quiet. All I hear is the sound of the wind brushing past my window. Everyone went down to the ocean, to let the last of summer sunshine fade into the wisps of Autumn rain. I sit here alone. I begged to stay home today as they all left.

The pain in my chest burrows deep, deeper than it ever has. I let the anxiety consume me, let the tendrils of depression slowly creep back into my mind. I become what I hide from everyone else when I am alone.

Three years is a long time to suffer this pain. It’s an uphill battle I no longer want to fight. The sunlight streams through the bathroom window, reflecting off the blade of the knife I hold in my hand. It creates a rainbow on the floor, and I pause to look.

A knock startles me. Someone returned home early. I say nothing.

Another knock. More silence. Then finally, “Elli?”

I exhale slowly, silently. My best friend, Asher. He sounds worried. I stand. One more look at his face, one more goodbye. I can’t leave him without one. I sit the knife on the edge of the sink, where he won’t see it from the door. He shouldn’t worry. I’m ending the pain.

I open the door. I know tears trail down my cheeks. He looks scared. “When they said you chose to stay at home, I figured I’d better check on you.”

He’s out of breath, his cheeks flushed. He ran all the way here. For me. I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater. “I’m fine.”

It’s a bitter lie on my tongue, and he sees right through me. “Elli, I know you’re hurting. Please, come with me to the ocean.”

I sniffle, shaking my head. “I need to be alone.”

I go to close the door, but he holds it open with his arm, pushing past me into the bathroom. He sees the knife on the counter but says nothing. He doesn’t have to. The pain in his eyes is enough to make me want to fall to my knees.

He takes a seat with his back against the tub, just as I was moments before. I sigh. He looks up at me. “You can be alone with me. But I won’t let you be alone.”

I close the door, leaning against it. He stares straight across, at the knife. I look to my feet, shame swallowing me. I’m not proud of what I have to do, but I can’t let myself go on like this. The pain returns, harder, stronger. Crashing against me like a wave from the ocean, but unlike the ocean, I cannot surface. I fall to the floor, sobbing with every emotion I have left inside.

I feel arms around me, and I’m sobbing into Asher’s shoulder, leaving it a mess. I let myself pretend, only for a moment, that he can make it better. That I can get better.

But three years is a long time to feel this way. And I’m tired of the pain.

I pull away, Asher’s shirt soaked with tears. I stand, grabbing a towel from the rack near the sink. My eyes stop on the knife. I’m turned around, Asher forcing me to face him. I can’t meet his eyes, so I hand him the towel. “I’m sorry,” I say, my words cracked, broken like me.

“Sorry for having feelings and being a human? What is there to be sorry for? Don’t you know how amazing you are? Instead, you stay in here, wanting to take that knife and plunge it somewhere it doesn’t belong, drawing the blood that flows through your veins for a reason. You have a reason for being here, Elli. Why must you do this to yourself?”

The tears form again. I try to take a step back, but his hands are on my shoulders, gently holding me in place. Despite every cold, sick, twisted emotion inside me, his warmth is something I want to flee, yet I can’t find the means to do so.

I sigh. “I can’t do this anymore, Asher. It’s too heavy.”

“What is ?”

“All the burden that weighs on me. Three years, I’ve been this way. Three years is a long time and I can’t be fixed. I’m broken.”

“Yes, you are broken. So am I. So is everyone else in this world. We are fallen people, sinful and dangerous. We all have burdens that push us down, but we rise above it all, we control our lives.”

I shake my head, another sob threatening to break me. “You don’t understand,” I say, more tears spilling down my cheeks. He moves his hands up to brush them away. “Then help me understand. Let me in.”

He leans in slowly as if asking permission for the one thing I never let myself feel, never let myself believe could happen. I don’t move, letting myself have the one thing I dreamt could be true.

His lips brushed mine softly, everything else fading around us. The knife on the counter, the wind at the window, the ocean beyond, all fading to darkness as everything became about us. I leaned into him, his hands trailing down my arms, to my waist. My hands land on his shoulders as the kiss deepens.

We pull away at the same time, breathless. His forehead is against mine, his cheeks flush with a tinge of pink. I’m sure mine look the same.

“Elliot May Carter,” he says my full name like it’s the last words he’ll speak to me. Maybe they are.

“Please,” he continues. “Please stay.”

Beyond the pain in my chest that seems to creep into my soul, there is a light. A small flicker, like a fire, but waning. Asher knows of my pain. He has for as long as he’s known me. And he’s never once judged me for it. He’s held me when I’ve cried, comforted me when no one else could.

“Don’t stay for me,” he says. “Stay for all the things you have ahead of you, beyond this moment, beyond the pain. There is so much more ahead. I’ll be here to help you, but you have to do it for yourself.”

His words, they touch something within me. A spark that warms the cold, lights up the dark. No, I’m still not okay. I may never be okay. But I see I can’t leave. There’s too much ahead. I have to try.

“My love,” he says, kissing my cheek, kissing where the tears are drying up. “Stay.”

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Please, reach out to someone if you or someone you know needs help.

You are loved so, so much.

You have potential. You have a mark to leave on this world. You are amazing and so, so talented. You may not think it now, but I know it.

You may be thinking, "How? You don't know me."

You're right.

I don't know you.

But I know every single person on this earth has a special gift, a talent. You are a wildfire, ready to set the world on fire and show them what you were made for.

21 comments

The Dimension Takeover// My Friends Roast Me

by Brooke Riley - 7:00 AM

What's up, friends? (I'm writing in coral because that is the color you will see me in the rest of the week.)

Today, I- OR SHOULD I SAY WE- are doing a special collab post that world possibly isn't ready for, but they actually need. So it's all for the greater good.

TODAY, I have the amazing group chat, THE DIMENSION, with me. (If you know where the name for the group chat comes from, then you get bonus points. Comment below!!)

Today, I am joined by my best friends, Faith, Lila, Lisa, and Gray! (Anna is also a huge part of our group chat, but could not join our post this time around. But she's just as important and I just wanted to shout her out!)

All right, ladies, introduce yourselves.

Hey, all! I’m Gray Marie (a.k.a. The Unicorn Potato).

Yo. It’s Faith, also known as Wraith (to literally no one but me), Florid Sword, R.F. Gammon, and a plethora of other things. FUN TIMES FOR ALL

Hello, friends! Lila Kims here, aka The Red-Hooded Writer, aka the resident cinnamon roll

HELLO ALL, I’m Lisa and I’m Brooke’s fellow HTTYD fan, Faith’s fellow Carden fan, Gray’s fellow coffee fan, and Lila’s fellow Owl City fan. THAT ABOUT COVERS IT.

These girls have really shaped my whole blogging experience and have talked me off many ledges while teasing me and picking on me and making fun of my huge obsession on The Blood Race, which brought us to this giant collab. We will each be doing a post on our respective blogs, so make sure you check those out, I will have them linked at the end of this post.

Let me explain how this is going to work!

I am going to say a statement or question and the girls are going to be ever so kind to reply and answer in the same way they would in the group chat. 😂😂

After I make a few questions or statements, they are just going to talk about everything I do concerning this obsession. I just have some unanswered questions and what better way than in a blog post for the world. (actually low-key scared for this.)

How often do I talk about The Blood Race Trilogy?

Gray: Wayyyy too often! How often do you breathe????

Faith: *sighs* EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. Every time she texts the group chat. Every SINGLE moment. If it can be referenced, it will be. And heaven help the poor soul who thinks they can have a conversation with her without her bringing it up.

Lila: Whenever it fits into the conversation we’re currently having. And believe me, she finds ways. XD

Lisa: The real question is, does Brooke actually eat her meals and sleep or does she SPEND HER WHOLE DAY MOONING OVER FIN, because YES, I’M CONCERNED FOR HER HEALTH. Does that answer the question? Who’s asking this anyway.

Name any of my quirks concerning this obsession that I tend to have on the Group Chat.

Gray: Every. Single. Conversation. Leads. Her. Back. To. TBR. 🙄

Faith: #FINNEEDSHUGS makes its way into every conversation, without fail. Even when we’re talking about serious things or even something like trouble at work or our personal love lives *coughs loudly* she manages to bring it in. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Lila: If she’s talking in all-caps, there’s a very good chance she’s talking about The Blood Race. Nothing brings out the all-caps like the topic of her favorite book.

Lisa: SHE MARRIED FIN WITHOUT TELLING US FOR GOODNESS’S SAKE, HOW IS THIS A QUIRK. IT IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Who is my favorite character in the book? Think deeply and ponder this|

Gray: Totally Fin. She calls him her husband because she is *whispers* super crazy. Run, Fin! *coughs*

Faith: I love this question because the answer is so obvious. It’s Icarus. Clearly. The only character she EVER references.

Lila: Definitely Fin. 100%. XD (He’s absolutely precious, so it makes sense.)

Lisa: I guess it depends?? I’d say our dear Irish boy Fin every time, but on the other hand, she relates to Hawk hardcore, so it really depends on what you mean XDD

Final Statements|

Gray: Not everything is about The Blood Race…. But with her it is. I never thought I would get tired of talking about it, but seeing Fin’s name now automatically makes me think, oh, no. Not this again.

We all need a new group chat just for us to all hide from her when she goes on her longggggggggggg fangirling tirades.

Faith: Oh, our dear sweet girl. *sighs* You know what you do about this series. You know how much you scream about it. You know your tendencies as regards it. You’re obsessed. I have nothing else to say about it.

Lisa: *snorts* all I have to say is WAIT TILL I TELL KATE ABOUT FIN ELOPING WITHOUT TELLING HER. Then we’ll see who roasts who *looks smug*

Lila: To be honest, I’m too amused by the obsession for it to truly annoy me. Oh, and I happen to subscribe to the #FinNeedsHugs club, so… YEAH. The Blood Race is incredible and one of the best books I myself have ever read, so even though my level of love for it doesn’t quite reach Brooke’s (I doubt anyone’s could XD), I understand her. Mostly. And one last thing - If K.A. Emmons ever dreamed of being someone’s favorite author or of someone loving her dear story with all their heart and soul (I’m sure she did), then our ~~slightly bonkers~~ darling Brooke is that dream come true. <333

Haha, they love me, I swear.

In all seriousness, I swear I don’t talk about it all the time. Our group chat actually consists more of life stuff, random ramblings, but most importantly, Jesus.

I wanted to take a moment to encourage y’all that have blogs to form good bonds with good people, to seek out the friendships that encourage you, not only in life goals but your walk with Christ, too. I have friends at my job, but none of them bring me the heart-warming, soul-soothing conversations that can come from true friends that Jesus has so kindly brought into my life. I want to thank them for doing this crazy collab post, and for always being there for me. I want them to know that I’m here for them, too. And I hope our friendships last forever. And that I will try to say fewer things about TBR trilogy.

In ALL seriousness, these posts where we are roasting each other is all in fun and are not meant to be taken seriously. I know some people get all crazy with the roasting and they don’t like seeing it. Just know that we have high sarcasm levels and this is the result of late-night talking and sleep-deprived, caffeine-deprived discussions. 😂😂

Also, be sure to check out the others' posts. Yesterday, Lila Kims posted her roast and it's AMAZING!

Here is the schedule and the links to these amazing girls' blogs!

Lila Kims- Monday
Brooke- Tuesday (You are here!)
Lisa Elis- Wednesday
Gray Marie- Thursday
Faith- Friday

33 comments

Resurgence by K.A. Emmons// Blog Tour

by Brooke Riley - 7:00 AM

Y'all, I failed so bad. This post was supposed to go up on Sunday. I'm so sorry.

But, better late than never, right?

TODAY, I am here to talk about Resurgence, the third, and final book of The Blood Race, my favorite book series EVER.

200 years into Earth’s future, the Anomalies return…

When Icarus and the other Anomalies of the Dimension reemerge into a war-torn world, they have no idea how to take down the Reformed Global Militia — a military superpower which now rules by force and mind-control. Without Hawk or Sensei by his side, Icarus is haunted by his own self-doubt and questions his ability to lead the sliders into battle. But when he’s captured and inducted into the RGM, Icarus must face his biggest challenge yet: keep his true identity a secret from the power that wants to kill him.

While Fin roams the Irish countryside searching for Hawk, tensions rise between students in the Dimension. Desperate to escape the clutches of the RGM, Icarus makes a run for it — only to be captured again by a mysterious young corporal who’s been hiding a secret of her own…for the past 200 years. As the Anomalies prepare for war, the Dimension spirals out of control, creating more division than ever. Icarus is forced to make an impossible choice between life or death when he realizes that in order to defeat the darkness, he may have to become it.

Doesn't that just sound AMAZING!!

I had the wonderful opportunity of sitting down and interviewing Kate on this novel. Here's how that went.

Me: How was the process for Resurgence different from your other two books?

Kate: Every book is a different journey, just as every day is different from the rest; sure it’s another day, or another book, but it’s different. It offers us something new each and every time. It’s when we expect the same thing again that we begin to get stuck. Resurgence was no exception; it was different and strong and encompassing. It showed me truth in new ways and I’m grateful for that. I’m still learning, still listening to what it has to say.

Me: Out of the three books, which was your favorite to write?

Kate: Worlds Beneath. I can’t really put into words why. But it was and forever will be important.

Me: What are some things about the publishing process that surprised you?

Kate: How much attention to detail everything demands in order for a book to be exactly what you would like it to be. Of course that’s a given, but I guess experiencing it a few times first hand has just really hit me with the gravity of the fact.

Me: Not writing-related, but when you go off-grid, what is your favorite activity to do?

Kate: I love to go surfing. I love to paddle out into the cold, New England waves and sit out there in the stillness between sets, watching the deep blue saltwater rise and fall like mountains and valleys. I feel peace very deeply out there. There’s nothing to be done, nothing to accomplish: it is all to simply enjoy.

Me: What type of writer are you? Do you prefer to plan things out, or do you write it all without an outline?

Kate: I usually get a vision of a story in my head and vividly see what I’m meant to write and then I go write it. Sometimes I’ll write down a few post-it notes with little details to remember, but lately I haven’t been. I just write what I feel inside me.

Me: What was the feeling of writing the final words in the final book of the TBR trilogy?

Kate: It was surreal. Happy. Emotional. It was a good feeling, but not one of finality. The world, the characters, what it all means...it lives in my mind, and that never ends. That’s forever.

Me: From the beginning of The Blood Race to the end of Resurgence, how have you changed as a writer?

Kate: I believe that everything we create changes us just a little. Sometimes a lot. I don’t really know if I can even pinpoint exactly how it has changed me, as much as I can identify that yes, indeed it has. Every creation from the spirit is transformative.

Me: And finally, moving forward, do you have any other books in the works? Anything you can share about future projects?

Kate: I’ve written nearly four books since completing Resurgence. We’ll see where those take us...I’m really excited to share more about that soon.

Thank you, Kate, for sitting down with me and answering my questions.

Okay, y'all, so you may be wondering my take on this book. Well, I'm about to give it to you.

My Review|

*This review contains spoilers for the first two books, though nothing that ruins the books. You may just be confused as to what I'm talking about.

Resurgence is the third and final book in The Blood Race Trilogy, which makes it bittersweet for me. This series got me through some tough times of anxiety. Especially Worlds Beneath.

The storyworld is crazy! Resurgence takes place after the anomalies emerge from The Dimension. There's a lot of war and crazy stuff happening as the world has descended into chaos. There's a cool new POV that I won't tell you about, and also amazing new character arcs. Of course, we get to see the darling characters *cough* Fin *cough* and some new ones, too.

The villain is unlike anything the sliders have dealt with before. Things get intense. Not that they weren't before.

A lot of stuff happens.

This book sums up the series in a beautiful bow.

For a deeper review, please click here.

Follow Kate!

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All right, friends, go get this book so you can read it. It's AMAZING!

Have you read the other books?

Or have you read this one?

Let's talk in the comment!

12 comments

Pages

Book Haul//I Bought Five Books

Stop The Negativity// A Rant

Stay// A Short Story// Suicide Prevention Week

The Dimension Takeover// My Friends Roast Me

Resurgence by K.A. Emmons// Blog Tour

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Pages

Book Haul//I Bought Five Books

Stop The Negativity// A Rant

Stay// A Short Story// Suicide Prevention Week

The Dimension Takeover// My Friends Roast Me

Resurgence by K.A. Emmons// Blog Tour

:: about me ::

:: follow me ::

Subscribe

:: follow ::

:: blog button ::

:: popular posts ::

:: archives ::

:: labels ::

:: reach out ::