#1: Don't skip out on your hygiene. 

#2: Take enough breaks.

#3: Stay hydrated and fuel your body.

#4: Remember why you're doing this.

:: antigravity:: starset

The more I fight, the more I work
The more I dig into the dirt
To be fed up, to be let down

:: dark on me :: starset

You're the cause, the antidote
The sinking ship that I could not let go
Who led my way and disappeared
How could you just walk away and leave me here?

:: point of no return:: starset

There's a memory of how we used to be
That I can see through the flames
I am hypnotized as I fantasize
Forgetting lies and pain
But I can't go back

Hello.

It's been a hot minute. (or fat minute as the kids say nowadays.)

I feel like I have some explaining to do about my absence.

But this might be a crazy, messy post so bear with me here.

Some of you may know that I do, indeed suffer from depression and anxiety. In my teen years, it used to be a lot worse.

But my best friend says since about Halloween of last year my mental health has been declining. And I agree.

Last week consisted of countless mental breakdowns, a panic attack at work, a fight with people I really, really care about, making up with those people, finding we are stronger now, and me feeling like I was going to suffocate in depression and anxiety. Honestly... I began to suffocate under the weight of it all and was on the point of giving up.

Giving up hope.

Giving up on myself.

Giving up on happiness.

Giving up on ever trusting God.

Just

falling

falling

falling

deeper into the abyss of darkness, the point of no return.

I had reached a point of wanting to stay in bed. I hated writing. I hated myself. I hated everything I use to love doing.

All of it

pointless

I was worthless

I was unlovable

I was too far gone

or so the enemy said.

And if people say that's not depression or anxiety because a doctor hasn't told me that... I'm sorry but I don't know what you would call that.

I didn't want to write.

I didn't want to blog.

I didn't want to work.

And it doesn't help that my work environment is so toxic, full of toxic people, toxic situations, toxic everything.

I was lost among the darkness in the abyss, no light to be found.

And then...

My best friends. My tribe.

They helped me.

My mom and dad, of course, they were there for me, too. But I was in deep. And I put them through a lot with my emotions that I was beginning to withdraw into myself.

My friends and I... we had planned a video call to see each other since we all live far from each other. And I almost didn't do it. After a week of planning and arranging schedules... I almost said forget it.

Because I was breaking.

I was lost.

I was hopeless.

I was too much for them.

All lies.

They wanted me and one reached out saying she understood, but she had wanted to see me since it would probably be a while before we could do this again.

So I decided thirty minutes wouldn't kill me.

I'd show up.

I'd make my appearances.

I'd leave.

I'd return to my dark abyss.

But...

they pulled me out of the dark abyss. They have me a light to see the rest of the way.

They helped me to see that this moment, this dark and painful moment... it's just that. A moment.

then it's gone

soaring

far, far away

and then

I emerged into the light.

I talked more than I usually talk during video calls with my friends because I'm an INFP I don't start a conversation.

It was therapeutic to do this. I needed it.

And I can stand saying I'm better.

I'm worth more than I know.

I'm lovable.

I'm never too far gone.

No, I won't always be positive.

No, life isn't fair.

Yes, I'm stuck at a toxic job with toxic people for a while longer.

But I'm going to be okay.

And I know you will, too.

You have worth.

You are loved.

You have purpose.

You are strong.

Don't

ever

give

up.

*Author note: Lots of squealing and flailing will be happening beyond this point. You have been warned.



Hello, everyone! I'm back!

In case you missed the last post, (which you can find here) I went on hiatus for my first time doing NaNoWriMo. I knew there would be absolutely no way I could write 50,000 words and blog posts and work a full-time job and work on some other things.

But now that NaNoWriMo has come to an end, I am back to writing blog posts.

Today, I'm going to show you some aesthetics and snippets from my NaNo project. Of course, the big issue with sharing too much is that my NaNo project is a sequel to my upcoming novel, Rise. But, I am going to give as much non-spoiler information that I can. Plus, all snippets will be out of context so that's fun for you and even more fun for me because I know the context. 😏😏

(This post was inspired by my bestie who is a NaNo QUEEN. You can find her blog here. You should follow her blog. Totally non-biased. 😂)

First things first, let me give you the stats.

I started the first full week of NaNoWriMo with a vacation from work, which gave me a huge boost on word count goals.

First half of NaNo- 34,107 words written
Second half of NaNo- 16,334

Snippets:

~ Once alone, I feel the urge to scream. I grab a pillow and throw it over my face before screaming. I can see why girls do it. Therapeutic.

~ My mom grabs me, turning me to face her. “Are you all right?”
I brush her hands off me, stepping back. “Of course, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

~ I lean against the pillar at the entrance of the school. My mom is running late. Again. This has happened all week, and I’m not going to bother Spencer again. But as usual, his truck pulls up in front of me. “She’s working late again?”

~ “This is some deep crap you’ve been going through. You’re fifteen, right? Why would you worry about this kind of thing?”

~  “Linley, I told you all never to enter this room.”
Her eyes dance with a spark behind them, more than that, a flame. She’s proud of her feat, sneaking in here and startling me. 

~ I sit, hugging my knees to my chest on the small cot. It’s cold in here, or maybe it’s me. I don’t know. I let the tears fall, the ones I’ve held back for days. They come easy now.

Final Word Count: 50,441

Any Days missed?

Oh yes, plenty of days. Besides the fact on some days I just didn't feel it, I also got into a car accident, which prevented me from focusing on my writing. (I wasn't hurt, I just mentally could not do it.)

But on November 25th, I hit 50,441 words and also finished my novel.

Will this be the final word count?

No.

Often times when I go in to edit the book in about four to six months, I end up with a higher word count. I'm hoping to bring it up between 65k and 70k.

This is the second novel I've ever finished in my life, Rise being the first one. Speaking of Rise, I have some fantastic updates to share with you.

All right, time for what you came for. Here are three big updates about Rise.

1. The official Title for Rise is...



AAAAAAHHHHH YOU ALL KNOW THE OFFICIAL TITLE!!!

How We Rise is going to be my debut novel in 2020. Which leads me to my next update.

2. The official release date has been selected...

AAAHHHSDFGHJJKL WHAT??

How We Rise has an official release date, but I am not sharing what that date is just yet. Don't worry, early next year, you will know more.

and finally...

3. How We Rise is with an editor...

And we aren't just talking about any editor, either. We're talking about one of the best editors in the world.

Y'all know how I am obsessed with The Blood Race and 100 Days of Sunlight. Well, the lovely editor of those two books is working on my book. As. We. Speak. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *flails*

(FYI, I am not bragging, I'm just so freaking pumped right now.)

All these things have me so pumped and ready to take on the world!

I can't wait to tell you more about How We Rise and give you all the details.

I will be starting a street team early next year, and the street team will be the first to know all the details as well as spread the word about my book around their social media when they have the chance. There will be a post on that in January where you will be able to sign up. There will be limited places to be a part of the street team, so make sure you sign up when you can. I can't select everyone and it's a first-come, first-serve basis. (Unless you are one of those lovely spam accounts bothering me and my friends on our blogs. If you sign up, you won't be selected.)

Now, on to the aesthetics...

October is here, which means Preptober is in full swing! I'm so excited, as this is the first year I have EVER participated in NaNoWriMo.

Today, I thought I would talk about what I'm doing for NaNo (My W.I.P, my plan to reach 50,000 words, and more!)

I'm not going into too much detail about my novel, but for November, I will be on hiatus so I can focus on writing my novel. I wish I was the super blogger who could churn out posts every week and still get that 50,000 words, but sadly I am not.

I can't go into too much about my W.I.P because it is book two of my trilogy. Rise has been completed and I want to work on book two, Fall. (Rise and Fall are working titles and not the official titles. Official titles will be revealed closer to publication.)

So, to avoid spoilers, I can't say much about Fall. HOWEVER, I can say I'm breaking my own heart with this book, so there is that.

I know I haven't revealed much about Rise, either, but I will be introducing my characters in a post very, very soon.

What I can tell you is this trilogy is dystopian, but breaking the boundaries of traditional dystopian and bringing in contemporary, sci-fi vibes. Yes, there's romance, but it doesn't control the entire, freaking plot. There's hurt, and heartbreak, and death, and friendships, and family, and an evil president bent on ruling the world, one nation at a time. There's a conflicted heir to the country and a sassy henchman. (Don't tell him I called him a henchman, he'll be offended.)

I'm taking traditional dystopian and kicking it in the rear end because I've seen too many fail to be about the actual government problems built up in the world and become all about romance.

I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible. So I've based it in current times instead of a future date, like most dystopian. (ALSO SIDENOTE, Just because it's based in current times does not mean I'm basing it on current people in power, or anybody who's currently president or ruler of any one nation. This idea came to me when I was fifteen, and I'm 20 now, so it's a story I've created for five years. I've seen so many people leave reviews of dystopian novels, comparing it to current times and I just want people to enjoy the story for what it is: A STORY.) #rantover

Now that we have that out of the way, you may curious about what I've done for Preptober.

Well, I've also been working on finishing Rise, so Preptober has consisted of me really just outlining book two. I used to be hardcore write from the seat of my pants type, but I've converted over to outlining and planning because it's fun and it's organized. I'm an organized person in everything else in my life, so it makes sense. (Abbie's videos are amazing if you want to look into outlining.)

Outlining actually doesn't take me a whole month, so I've just been adding to the outline here and there while I write Rise and now my focus can solely be on the outline. Because it's a sequel, I already know my characters. I know where I need to continue from, and that's AMAZING.

If not, I do suggest creating an outline for your characters first, but I'll link some videos here to help you figure out a method for that.

So, how will I reach 50,000 words by the end of November when I'm working a full-time job and am away from the computer for most of the day? (Well for one, full-time at my job is 30 hours instead of 40, so that helps.)

I will be using the Pomodoro Technique. I will write for twenty-five minutes, take a five-minute break, and repeat. My daily goal is to get down 1,667 words, which shouldn't be too difficult. I'm going to attempt to write twice a day, so before I leave for work and after I come home. If I can do this every day, I'll hit 50,000, which should bring me to having most of my novel complete. (My novels are about 70,000+ words.)

I guess that's it for now. I was going to do a post for Halloween, but seeing as I need to focus on my outline, this is going to be my last post for this month. Starting today, I will be on hiatus from blogging. I'll be back in December to give y'all a recap of how it went, and if I won NaNo. Because this is the first time I've done this, I'm not too concerned about winning NaNo. I'm happy to participate.