:: april:: lyrics and journal excerpts
~diving bell, starset~
In my mind
endless sea
calling from the bottom
but you don't hear me
send your line
down to me
meet me on the surface
I will never leave
~ hang on a little longer, ruelle~
It’s gonna get better one day
The pain is gonna fade away
If you just hang on a little longer, hang on a little longer
If you got hell to pay
Your miracle is on its way
If you just hang on a little longer
Hang on a little longer
~enough, christian reindl~
What happened, What happened, love
I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like I never was enough
~hard to say goodbye, illenium~
~ feel bad, katelyn tarver~
~speeding cars, walking on cars~
Every part of me just wants to run
But I can't, you know
But I can't, you know
So I'll stay right here
Just for one more night
I tell myself I'm fine here with you
Just for one more night
You make it hard to say goodbye
~bloodshot, sam tinnesz~
Focus on my insides
doctor says I'm all right
gotta keep it locked tight
if I'm gonna survive
~coldest water, walking on cars~
I was looking for a friend
And it all came to an end
But I survived, yeah I survived
Oh you came across the sea
Swam the ocean just for me
Now I'm alive, yeah I'm alive
Can I trust myself?
Everything I thought I knew is somewhere else
I'm scared that if I say things
I won't have the same things anymore
I don't feel like I'm home
Never thought I'd be someone that I'd outgrow
Everything I thought I knew is somewhere else
I'm scared that if I say things
I won't have the same things anymore
I don't feel like I'm home
Never thought I'd be someone that I'd outgrow
~somebody else, katelyn tarver~
Don't know what I wanna do tonight
Sick of feeling like I'm picking fights
I get mad at almost everything
No, I'm not the way I used to be
I just want somebody to tell me that I'm okay
Yeah, I want someone to tell me that I'm okay
~i miss you, i'm sorry, gracie abrams~
I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse
Everything I know brings me back to us
I don't wanna go, we've been here before
Everywhere I go leads me back to you
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
::journal snippets::
~4/1/2020~
discovering betrayal is really hard.
Especially when you least expect it.
~4/4/2020~
I doubt because my trust has been broken.
Broken. I hate the word.
~4/10/2020~
it's hard to trust, especially right now.
But He has me.
~4/11/2020~
I'm just tired.
4/12/2020
I don't have some happy things to end this with.
Just my heart on pages.
So... I feel like I need to put a bit of a disclaimer here. Some of the lyrics and some of the journal entries are sad.
It's okay to acknowledge the sadness.
It's okay to be sad.
There is a lot going on in our world right now but beyond that... we have our own problems. We shouldn't try to minimize our own struggles for the rest of the world's problems. Yes, there is a problem, but by trying to act like our issues are nothing, we do more harm than good to our mental health.
Mental health rant aside, I've had a lot going on this month. And a lot has been heavy. Crumbling friendships, painful circumstances, and sad lyrics are what have made up this month.
And it's okay.
I've been in darker places, honestly. I have hope. So much hope actually.
I have a book coming out in July, don't know if you've heard about it. I'll leave a link here for the ebook preorder if you're interested. It would mean the world to me if you'd check it out.
Even though my debut trilogy (yes, two more books are coming with this one) is dystopian, I'd love to write more contemporary novels and maybe a poetry/short prose book too. I have so many ideas and so much hope for that.
So yes, just know I am okay. And sometimes it's okay to not be okay. Just remember to find hope in something.
That is my challenge for May. To write more journal entries, to spill my feelings out on pages, but to also find one thing to be happy for in each day, a unique thing to every day. Grateful hearts win out every time.
That's all for now, beautiful souls.
18 comments
<3 <3 <3 I love you.
ReplyDeleteAlways.
I love you more
Deletealways
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3. i hope you have a lovely may! 😘
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Allison! I hope you have a lovely may as well! <3
Deletei would literally cry if you wrote a poetry/short prose book. But here's hoping that May is better for all of us. I know i could certainly use it. <3
ReplyDeleteoh my word *sobs* I don't even think my poetry is that good, but I have fun writing it. Now... you having a poetry book... that is what I need in my life because your poems girl! I'd buy so many copies. <3 <3 <3
Deleteyes, May is my birth month, too, and I'm lowkey not looking forward to that so I'm hoping the rest of the month is great! xD
I think it's so important to express sadness. Love this! <3
ReplyDeletedefintely. I wish people would allow their emotions to just be felt. *talking to self* I need to work on letting myself just feel so I can let go.
Delete<3 <3 <3
Lovely!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! <3
DeleteThis was lovely and beautiful and so honest. <333 I hope May treats you better, friend. You deserve to be happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! <3 <3 <3 Awwwww *sobs* Thanks, friend <3
DeleteYou beautiful human <333
ReplyDelete*sobs* thank you! You're amazing <3
DeleteThat was so beautiful. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you! <3 <3 <3
Delete"Grateful hearts win out every time." <<< THIS
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Brooke. I relate so hard, and I love you so much. <333
Thank you!! ilysm <3
Delete